Jack Knight
Add comment April 30th, 2008
Archive for April, 2008
Bigotness
While dining with Therese, Suprema of the Universe in
Sbarro:
W: I saw an ugly old woman crossing the street this morning
and she was smoking.
T: (uninterested)
Yes.
W: Whenever I see an ugly female crossing the street I think
it’s disgusting. But when it’s a nice looking female I think it’s fun. Keep in
mind that this only applies to smoking female strangers who are crossing the
street.
T: (suddenly interested) I hate you right now and I
physically want to hurt you.
Of course, I didn’t mean it. So feminists, I was only
kidding. Stay away!!! Stay awaaaaaay! Now some of you might have stopped
reading past the title on the grounds that bigotness is not the proper noun for
it, and I commend you, but isn’t bigotness much more fun to say than bigotry?
Bigotness bigotness bigotness. Bigotness.
Ten years ago my brother and I were watching a game show on
TV, and in one part letters had to be unscrambled to form a word. Letters flashed.
In panic I pressed an imaginary buzzer, cried “BUZZZZ!” , and competitively
screamed, VINICITY! VINICITY!!!
“ ViCInity, harrumph,” my brother annoyedly harrumphed.
Yes, but vinicity is so much more fun to say.
Like I am so hungry good thing there’s Mc Donald’s in the vinicity. Vinicity,
fun word, in the same way that annoyedly and bigotness are very fun words.
Vinicity vinicity vinicity.
My family’s favorite movie series of all time is Back to the Future. In it Marty McFly has to go back in time to ensure that his dad George would meet his mom. Wussy George finally musters enough courage to approach Lorraine. Then he says, “You are… my deNsity.” Density. Like propestiny. Hence, words for the day: bigotness, propestiny, vinicity, density.
Add comment April 23rd, 2008
Abe and Len-Len
Abe and Len-Len finally got married. It wasn’t disorienting because I have always assumed that they were married, and this only
served to seal the thing. I wasn’t able to march along the knave as the candle
bearer, and by the time I got there Abe was already traipsing with her long
cape, Therese crying her eyes out.
I have been friends with Abe for over ten years now, and
with Len-Len for seven. When we started in med school I lived next door to Abe.
Our rooms were divided by a cement wall, but I could press my ear against it to
get an update on the latest goings on. Whenever I ran out of rice I didn’t need
to walk along Nakpil and declaim “Alms, alms”, I would just knock with an empty
plate and teary eyes. And when I didn’t have a paper plate she would lend me a
real plate, and wash it afterwards too. In really trying times I would knock with my unpressed clothes, and she
would press them.
Len-Len was my anatomy groupmate and partner in everything.
In community medicine Len-Len and I slept on an extremely small papag that
precluded any movement except for simple hand movements. So all I could do in
bed was read Green Lantern while he was reading Harrisons on his PDA. Len-Len
was a star in the community. Because he was smart, insightful, friendly, and all
that, but most importantly, because he had silky, smooth skin. The BHWs asked
him what his secret was, and he said in all seriousness, “ you have to be born
with it”.
When it was finally time for me to light the candle I walked
in front, thinking that with this simplest of tasks nothing could go wrong,
like accidentally poking the groom with the veil pin or something. Walking back
to my seat a Chinese principal sponsor grabbed my right arm and hissed, “Ayusin
mo yung kwelyo mo. Kita yung necktie sa likod.” Of course.
Len-Len and Abe looked utterly blissful, and Len-Len had his
most well-combed, well-gelled hair ever. Like he could walk through a storm and
it wouldn’t get messed up. Abe also looked her best, and her gown cape was so
long it extended to Toga. The wedding was such a big event that I forgive
myself for being annoyingly hyperbolic.
In the reception Len-Len went in front and made a speech
introducing the new Mrs. Lim with music playing in the background. We haven’t
seen him so into something, and I checked Therese to see if she was crying
again. As the speech was about to end the music was getting louder. In a moment
of synchronicity Mar and I stared at each other, telepathically asking, “Is he
going to sing?” And in reply, Len-Len blared into: No more thoughts of darkness….
And saaaay, you’ll love me!!!! I checked on Therese if she was crying yet again. By this time
her mascara has smeared and ran down her neck.
Mar and I planned to escape during the audience
participation part, but failed to do so as the emcee enthusiastically enthused,
”And now, we present to you, a powerpoint presentation of all the bachelors in
the crowd!” And indeed, there was a powerpoint presentation individually
featuring all the bachelors in the crowd. Fun and games galore.
Abe and Len-Len, individually and as a couple, have been such a great blessing, and it’s not something you can always say about someone.
They were present in my most trying times for which I am extremely
grateful. Now some of you might regard this longish account as a compensation
for my neglect at not having bought a gift. Or as a fantasy speech I didn’t get to deliver during the wedding. Or as an early thanks because I
plan to be a parasite to them in the states when they are rich and successful. Come to think of it, I do plan to be a parasite to them when they are rich and successful. But that’s not the point, the point is I will be eternally grateful.
During the entire course of the wedding I estimated that there were 6,780 pictures taken. In my possession though is a photo they wouldn’t remember. This was way back when they still weren’t aware of each other’s existence and I just happened to catch the two of them randomly walking in the stones. Note Len-Len’s hands and their postures of discomfort.
5 comments April 23rd, 2008
